The liberal/conservative debate, Ad infinitum

Liberals: We want to have cake and eat it too.
Conservatives: Actions have consequences.
Liberals: We want to have cake and eat it too!
Conservatives: But, actions have consequences.
Liberals: We want to have cake and eat it too!!
Conservatives: Actions. Have. Consequences.
Liberals: We want to have cake and eat it too!!!!1!!
Conservatives: Fine. Let them eat cake.

It’s only stealing when they take from me

First they came for the corporate jet owners, and I said nothing because I didn’t own a corporate jet.

Then they came for the billionaires and millionaires, and I didn’t speak up because I made less than 250,000 annually.

Then they came for the rich, and I didn’t say anything because I considered myself middle-class.

But then I realized they had come for me, and there was no one left who would speak out for me.

The current temperature is not 98.6 degrees

After almost seven years in a corporate job, I’ve learned that modern-day office buildings are just glorified petri dishes. I know a lot of people feel that these are prisons or tombs or whatever metaphor reflects their existential paradigm. But my job has treated me pretty well, all things considered, and while there is plenty I could criticize there is little I feel obliged to complain about.

Except the rampant disease,

Growing up, I was one of those kids with perfect attendance at school. Almost never missed a day, can count on one hand the number of times I had to go see the nurse. Even in high school, when I was catching the bus in the dark at 6:30 and not getting home from my after school job until 9:30, it didn’t seem to matter if I was run down and stuffed into school buses and classrooms with other germ-ridden kids. I was always, always healthy. Even when I lived in a college dorm for several years, I only got sick twice. I was proud of my immune system.

Then I graduated and got a “real” job in a downtown office highrise. A life of cubicles, windowless offices, and highly suspect recirculated air. That first year on the job was the first year of my life where I got sick during the summer. I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. I remember it vividly because I made my new boyfriend sick too, and we spent the 4th of July curled up in bed shivering and listening to the fireworks.

I got sick several more times that summer. And every year after that, I continued to come down with a flu or cold several times during each season. I learned to know when it was coming; so-and-so would be out sick — they sat three cubicles down. I could safely assume that within three days, after each of the co-workers between us had had their turn, I would be the one out sick.

It didn’t matter that I ran 4 miles a day on my lunch breaks; it didn’t matter that I ate fruit and vegetables and yogurt instead of lunch truck cheese steaks; it didn’t matter that I drank 8 glasses of water a day and never touched an ounce of soda. It didn’t matter that I got plenty of sleep and plenty of, um, affection. I was a poster child for “healthy living” and here I was, eating up my sick time like someone who had spent the first two decades of her life on antibiotics.

I’m sick again this week. My head aches, my throat hurts, and my body is on strike with the prevailing, pervasive ick, the ick that puts the “ick” in sick, that grossness that saturates your limbs and makes you feel tired and weak. Yeah, probably some kind of flu, In August!

If our ventilation system had a motto (and why wouldn’t it, I have a fever, right now the cat has spectacles), that motto would be something like: Making the well sick, sooner; making the sick sicker, faster.

Hah hah. Maybe the current administration can borrow that one.